Today is the 27th April 2009 . 

First day in school sucks . GBE tutorial sucks because the tutor totally don't give a damn shit about us . She's those kind where her experience had over-whlemed her responsibility to respect . She totally won't hesitate to tell you off, make sounds to express her unhappiness like tsk loudly, or make that face so glum you thought she just ate some bittergourd or something . And yeah, she told me off today . 

Adding on, got together with the class for GBE lecture, and i'm on my own again . I have this strong sense of feeling that i'll be alone for the next semester, which, by hook or by crook, i have to accept it and whether or not i'm happy, this is it . 

I feel trashed, totally fallen back to the days when i don't communicate . 

On my way back home, i looked outta the window with no expressions . 

The taste of loneliness came back, so did the tears and fake smiles . 

The sudden urge of picking up smoking again . Don't be surprise if i beg you for cash to buy cigarettes . 

Do you know i was crying ? No, you don't . 

Something is piling up high inside me . 

Today is the 23rd April 2009 . 

I just realized, what's that got me into this mess . 

Today is the 19th April 2009 . 

Though i'm not in a really good mood right now, but i still wanna blog about yesterday . Before that, i wanna wish Franko happy 21st birthday and i'm really sorry i didn't make it to your chalet . I'm really sorry, i wanted to go, wanted to meet up with all the people i miss, but ah, nevermind . 

Mom came home from work today in a bad mood, i wonder what happened, but people who knew me would know that pissed me off, because she nags . 

Sometimes i really wish i could move out and have my own place, i could do whatever i want, put whatever i like, hang out late . . . 

I wonder if those house music i like, do i really like them, or do i like them because whenever i listen to it, it brings me back to those days when i had the best time of my life . Which i hate it because it made me hate the days i'm having now . 

I hate authorities, i hate controls/rules/laws/conditions, i hate it when whatever i can do is being cut off . Because i'm not anyone's bunny, and people don't live my life, they don't live in me so they have absolutely no idea why i played so crazy . Life is only this once, young days is only this once, if your parents don't have such days it's their life, all you can care is your's in the end . 

Anyway, had a really good time at the club last night i have to admit . Although i was clubbing with people i met online, it was so fun . Jason aka Mohammed Ali the communist, Angeline aka Yiling, Ven aka chao army recruit, shun ( ven's friend ), James ( ven's friend ) and Kuro . Reached at 10.40pm instead because Khng and Martin decided not to go in the end, reached and the queue was so damn long, so i waited for the rest, and they were late . Finally when they reach at 11.10pm, they queued while i enter Dragonfly and walked the back door link to Powerhouse . Haha, no need to queue . =P . Once inside Dragonfly, i got Jason and myself vodka cranberry via coupons exchange, then head to Powerhouse . Got myself a jug of Martell greentea, shared, and when the rest came in, they got Martell Coke . Shared too, and Jason bought 2 bottles of E33 with syrup, one for me, one for him . 

And things got a bit crazy, Jason and i threw 10 cents coin at the crowd and pretended that nothing happen . LMAO ! And because the bartender refuse to get us E33 just now and i have to ask the crew to get it instead, i stole the empty plastic jug because i'm just behind the bar, and i placed it on the floor, asked my friends to move aside, and i kicked the big jug into the centre of the dance floor . . . . . . . . and pretended to drink my drink . Haha . 

Kuro then dared me to dance up on stage for 15 minutes, well then i was a bit high dancing, so that wasn't even a bit of a problem to me . I asked him to show me the jug of alcohol first before i go up, and he came back with a jug of beer . I took a sip and squeezed my way through the crowd . One lady on stage saw me and pulled me up . Geez, thanks pretty . Haha . Danced, and i got higher, sang along the R&B songs and i hug dance the lady too, we sang together, dance together as if we knew each other . Yeah . And it definitely got more than 15 minutes . 

Back down, Jason already went off, so i got a bit lonely because Jason was the crappy sort and the rest wasn't as much, but i click with shun for a while before i went off to meet dear dear as he came down to fetch me at 4am . 

Now, i'm left with $7/- for the week . 

Today is the 17th April 2009 . 

You guys can start texting me or calling me now . 

And happy birthday, Anita . =) . Had a gathering just now and they had dinner at Vivocity together while i watch them eat and had gastric . I wanted to save cash for tomorrow's clubbing session . =/

Suddenly, there's a gush that life sucks . Life sucks without smoking . It really sucks, maybe i'll try cigar one day . 

Give me a lounge chair, some deep house music and vodka . . . i just wanna relax . 

Today is the 13th April 2009 . 

First of all, my cellphone is spoilt, so I’m phoneless these few days. Please avoid calling or texting me till it’s repaired okay . =/

Well, apparently i didn't got to enjoy my long weekend too much, but i did a bit anyway, with my best group of friends . Haha . 

Had dinner at Fish & Co. on Friday night and went for a little drink . I must say i drank different kinds of alcohol on that night . Haha . And it was fun . Had Tiger at Fish and Co., then head to Boat Quay . First stop was Eski Bar, i had a snowball, sipped Nathan's Artic Ice which tasted like ice blended almond, while Martin had lychee martini, and Shirley girlfriend had something called Fire on Ice . 

Haha, then went on to The White Bar and i ordered Martell Green Tea for all except Martin had vodka coke . His vodka was very diluted, you only taste coke . Played hand games and they went off then i head to Bedroom Bar to look for Sam and Ash while waiting for dear dear to come . And i was told they weren't working there anymore . 

I was like, oh man, this means i'll have to find another pub to PR down . Not good . They were nice people, always talk to me when i go there, and sang song for me . =/ . Had a bottle of Heneiken there and left to meet dear dear . He then bought me to a Thai club and we shared a jug of beer . Not sure what kinda beer that is, but i just drank it . And we went home . 

Gah, i missed clubbing so so so much . And this week dear dear is busy with work . 

I'm so sick of work, sick of boring life and boring people . I need life ! 

Someone please help me . =/

Today is the 9th April 2009 . 

I hate this kinda life . I hate it when everything everyone is like that . 

It's still the best to go drinking alone, don't have to worry if whoever i'm meeting up can make it on time . 

I drink alone, i think about all the things i wanna think, i talk to whoever i want, i could be so carefree . 

Today is the 8th April 2009 . 

Hmmm . Packed my area of work at home, and i seriously have many junks . I've thrown away more than 5 bags, a huge stack of past academic papers / lecture notes / tutorials / test papers bla bla bla . 

Haha, and i found this . 

I always get this . When will i get it again ? =P . 

THIS FRIDAY !

And my collection of HOT Stuff magazine . 

Then COOL Stuffs came along . MAN Stuffs too, but i didn't took a photo of it because the girls weren't model enough . Lol . 

A year of interest in automobiles . =)

Dear dear's working till late, and he's going drinking tomorrow night, without me . So i need my own drinking session too . Been long since i last visit Bedroom Bar . =)

Today is the 6th April 2009 . 

Back to work today after one week of rest and late woke ups and it was actually . . . very tiring . Basically i've no mood at all, even though it was a four day week, even though my supervisor will be on leave on Wednesday and Thursday . 

Ever since, i've think too much i feel it's making me crazy and making me change into another stranger . In fact, i've already changed . I knew i was keeping things to myself, accumulating, more . And those are things i long to know and tell you . 

I know i must confess sooner or later . I know i must own up to my doings, and whether or not this cost me to lose you, i have to be honest . Till the end, i'll say for the fourth time, i love you still . 

Today is the 5th April 2009 . 

Okay finally got a doze of clubbing last night . But it ended early at 1am because dear dear is having shooting range this morning . 

Definitely going again this coming weekend . And i'm sorry to Kelly i can't join you guys at Velvet . 

Went Boiler Room and saw Gino again . Had a little laugh, a little drink, and went off . It was the shortest clubbing session i ever had, i reached at 11pm and i went off at 1am . But ah, i had to, for him . =)

Went off for a rest at 81 because it's a long drive from St. James to my house . Slept till 5am, woke up, and came home, dear dear got changed and went off already . 

I'm just wondering if i should spend my attachment pay on my driving or let it goes to IPL for my legs ( that cost $1.2K ) . Shirley girlfriend passed her TP test yesterday, reminds me of how much i used to like cars, how much i starved myself to go for driving lessons . And it goes to the sad part . 

Sigh . 

Clubbing is still the best, you forget everything and just have fun . 

Today is the 4th April 2009 . 

Why is it that marriage is the only recognition of couples in the eyes of the law ? 

Marriage is a stone, a big one . If you decide to get married, you'll be tied to it, and be liable, oblige to do some of the most hated things . 

Should i say it's a burden ? 

What you give, is not what you take . Then why should i give ? 

Most of the time, you'll tell all your secrets to the one who's always physically around you, and if it's not your lover, then the lover's not gonna know everything about you . Does it happen to you ? It does, to me, naturally . 

St James tonight, i really hope it helps, even if it thins my blood and i bleed more because i've been bleeding all these while . 

Today is the 3rd April 2009 . Another day, another night . 

Were you busy ? 

I was, even though i'm not at work . But my mind swung me past the day . 

Sadly, i was thinking about my memories . And it all seem so clear, it's like everytime i enter the history category of my mind, tonnes of things popped out . 

The names, joseph, kif, ken, all so clear . Who they were, what they did, what we did, what happened . 

Then came the cars' part, the cars i used to see and seat in, those that i've moved around with . 

Vanished . 

I long for it to happen again, the impossible . 

It's hidden, all forbidden section of my memories . 

Today is the 3rd April 2009 and it's 6.28am now . I can't reallly say how much i wanna sleep but i can't because i found out that i got pretty jealous . Or rather very very jealous, should i be ? 

Because i can't help but think that this is the very best time of my life to club if i don't forward any modules . Look at the pictures below and tell me if you see any difference . 

And if you got it right, the first picture depicts the student timetable of my classmates who don't have any repeating modules, whereas the second one which might made you go oh shit, is mine . 

This . is . so . unfair . 

This is it, i just got fucked by life . Heavily fucked . 

I can't sleep till almost 3am, got into la la land and went in and out for so many times within the 3 hours, and now i'm awake at 6plus . Amazing . 

My first time ever i have no work/school/nothing to do the next day and i can't sleep . 

And dear dear is off to work very early at 6am because there's a driver accident . 

Today is the 2nd April 2009 . 

I really feel crushed even though school hasn't started . I know i have strong feelings for quitting school . 

But i can't let my dad down, if i do, i'll leave a scar on my leg i promise . 

Nights . 

Today is the 2nd April 2009 and i'm freaking gonna burst soon . 

Reason : School timetable is out, and it freaking ends 6PM 

IDIOT ! 

IDIOT ! IDIOT ! IDIOT ! IDIOT ! 

Well, and i have no needs to take gems this freaking semester because i have too many hours of studies . Here's a peek of my timetable . !@#$%^&*

Just look at Thursday and Friday, it'll kill me, stepped me flat and be SURE I'LL GO CRAZY . 

I've never been so fed up with school's arrangements before, this is the first ever time . Congratulations, Singapore Polytechnic, you've successfully controlled my time and freaked me out . My weekdays time, and i'll make sure i freaking club on weekends, i'm sure i WILL NEED it, it's a neccessity to me now, especially alcohol since i can't smoke . And i can't work part-time anymore . 

Better not let me know who are the freaks who made up my timetable, i'll be against them . 

In the meantime, while i'm still not schooling, i think i might wanna club on all weekends if i can . 

Today is the 2nd April 2009 . 

How's your day with April's Fool ? I got fooled too . Haha . Well, but apparently yesterday didn't quite went as according as i thought . I so look forward to going out with dear dear, but the pain ruined it all . 

Anyway, was glad that dear dear took a off day to accompany me . He's back with busy work now . And i was sleeping with his blanket, lol . 

Was playing ferryhalim and there's this sudden gush of saddness that went inside me, can't really know why but i guess it'll go away later . 

Wonder what dear dear will react, but i've deleted my match.com account, so goes along all my mail sent items, all those 'hi' mails i used to received and all the replies, i've been holding them so long not wanting to delete it because they are all memories . But i did anyway . And the 'We're sorry to see you go' mail is still in my inbox if dear dear wants to see it .  

It's raining, and i'm missing you . Lucky we don't know each other in the rainy weather . =) Because 在雨天认识的人，只能成为好朋友。